Oh happy day...

I want to find my spirituality (not in a religious way.) I want to find my peaceful place. I want to find what I can be at peace with. I want to wake up in the morning and not groan about being up (of course a more comfortable bed could help that). I want to get even a tenth as excited at seeing a rainbow as Double Rainbow Guy. I want to like the nature around me and not be put off from it because I don't want to deal with the bugs. I want to stop being so damn grumpy. I want to be a more positive person. I want to stop being so damn realistic and think of more than what is in my face. I want to love me more. I want to love people around me more.

I want all of these things but I don't know where to begin. I feel like I'm suffocating from wanting this and not know how to find it. Realistically (yes that thing I want to be less of) I know I can't find it hiding in my bedroom. I know that I can't come across this spirituality by typing it out on my computer and hoping someone will give me the all-knowing answer. I have to take steps and be prepared to be let down. I need to understand that this spirit can easily be broken if allowed. I need to have more of a life and stop waiting for it come to me. I need to go sit down in a park (during the week with no screaming kids around preferably) and just watch my surroundings (you know, like people with no bills do).

I need to be...me.

Roll Tide

Haven't blogged in a while. Really don't have a good excuse. Read the article linked below. Recent tornado made the cover of Sports Illustrated. It's a good read.

SI Cover Story

As the wise old woman speaks...

Getting older has it's perks.

You don't sweat the small stuff. You care less about what people say or think about you (at least the ones that are actually mature enough to handle things don't care.) You find pleasure in the little things and don't have to constantly be going, going, gone. I've always been a hermit, so I've never cared about all the here and there stuff.

My favorite part about getting older (besides the booze) is that you can remove drama from your life and not feel the same amount of guilt or pressure over it that you did when you were younger. I have had to make these decisions in the past year and the more I look back (hindsight 20/20 and all that) the more I realize I've made the right decisions. I don't feel remorse about it. The drama is gone and I don't feel nearly as weighed down with everyone else's problems. They can keep them!

Maybe I'm a bad friend

I don't know. Maybe not.

Sometimes I will get texts or calls from friends. And I can tell almost immediately that the conversation that will occur is going to go in a direction that will probably be asking something from me or of me that I really don't want to do.

Today I got a text from a friend that said "do you work today?" That seems innocent enough, but before I responded I had to think about who was asking me that question. Generally this person doesn't ask questions pertaining to these things unless the follow-up response will then be asking me to do something I'm not willing to do. So rather than just answering the text when it was sent, I waited until about an hour before I had to be to work. That way if she DID want something from me, I would have an excuse. LOL I don't think that makes sense at all. I go out of my way to make sure that I'm not put out of my way by others. It's a riddle inside an enigma.

Would you like some cheese while you whine?

There is this girl at my job that annoys the crap out of me. She complains about having on-call shifts all the time that she's never needed for, thus she rarely works. Bitch, I have to deal with the same thing! Everyone does. Do you think that you are the only one not working and the rest of us are getting mega hours? No! Stop bitching about it or quit.

Sorry, had to vent somewhere. She's on Facebook so I can't do it there and Twitter only allows 140 characters lol.

27 and confirming I'm a moron

For the first time EVER ( I do mean EVER) in my life I just saw in printed words the riddle "What is black and white and read all over?" I never understood what a newspaper had to do with that because I always HEARD it said and assumed they meant "red." I never asked questions either. I guess I am living proof that it's better to "stay quiet and look the fool, than to speak aloud and erase all doubt."

Memory lane...or something like that

Ever run into people you went to high school with that you really didn't care for? But because of the rules in life you stand there and smile and ask about them etc? But you really don't give a shit because that person was such an ass in high school that you went out of your way to make sure you didn't interact with them at all? Yeah, I get that a lot working in a mall. It's so weird. I stand and fake happy with this person, on the inside I'm completely berating myself over even acknowledging their presence.

I hate that just because I'm an adult I'm supposed to act as though I give a damn. My only memory of this person(s) is of them being so fucking full of themselves that it was as if he/she were doing YOU a favor to even speak to you. I know people change and God knows I don't want people to judge me from who I was in high school. I just don't have any other image of who you are outside of that memory.