Sunday, June 5, 2011

Actually, that's not in the bible.

I found this very interesting. I know SO many people that love to quote the bible, but half the time I think they're making it up. This further proves that they probably are. Stop trying to be so righteous and just admit that you are as human as everyone else and don't have time to read the Bible.

By John Blake, CNN

(CNN) – NFL legend Mike Ditka was giving a news conference one day after being fired as the coach of the Chicago Bears when he decided to quote the Bible.

“Scripture tells you that all things shall pass,” a choked-up Ditka said after leading his team to only five wins during the previous season. “This, too, shall pass.”

Ditka fumbled his biblical citation, though. The phrase “This, too, shall pass” doesn’t appear in the Bible. Ditka was quoting a phantom scripture that sounds like it belongs in the Bible, but look closer and it’s not there.

Ditka’s biblical blunder is as common as preachers delivering long-winded public prayers. The Bible may be the most revered book in America, but it’s also one of the most misquoted. Politicians, motivational speakers, coaches - all types of people - quote passages that actually have no place in the Bible, religious scholars say.

These phantom passages include:

“God helps those who help themselves.”

“Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

And there is this often-cited paraphrase: Satan tempted Eve to eat the forbidden apple in the Garden of Eden.

None of those passages appear in the Bible, and one is actually anti-biblical, scholars say.

But people rarely challenge them because biblical ignorance is so pervasive that it even reaches groups of people who should know better, says Steve Bouma-Prediger, a religion professor at Hope College in Holland, Michigan.

“In my college religion classes, I sometimes quote 2 Hesitations 4:3 (‘There are no internal combustion engines in heaven’),” Bouma-Prediger says. “I wait to see if anyone realizes that there is no such book in the Bible and therefore no such verse.

“Only a few catch on.”

Few catch on because they don’t want to - people prefer knowing biblical passages that reinforce their pre-existing beliefs, a Bible professor says.

“Most people who profess a deep love of the Bible have never actually read the book,” says Rabbi Rami Shapiro, who once had to persuade a student in his Bible class at Middle Tennessee State University that the saying “this dog won’t hunt” doesn’t appear in the Book of Proverbs.

“They have memorized parts of texts that they can string together to prove the biblical basis for whatever it is they believe in,” he says, “but they ignore the vast majority of the text."

Phantom biblical passages work in mysterious ways

Ignorance isn’t the only cause for phantom Bible verses. Confusion is another.

Some of the most popular faux verses are pithy paraphrases of biblical concepts or bits of folk wisdom.

Consider these two:

“God works in mysterious ways.”

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness.”

Both sound as if they are taken from the Bible, but they’re not. The first is a paraphrase of a 19th century hymn by the English poet William Cowper (“God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform).

The “cleanliness” passage was coined by John Wesley, the 18th century evangelist who founded Methodism, says Thomas Kidd, a history professor at Baylor University in Texas.

“No matter if John Wesley or someone else came up with a wise saying - if it sounds proverbish, people figure it must come from the Bible,” Kidd says.

Our fondness for the short and tweet-worthy may also explain our fondness for phantom biblical phrases. The pseudo-verses function like theological tweets: They’re pithy summarizations of biblical concepts.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child” falls into that category. It’s a popular verse - and painful for many kids. Could some enterprising kid avoid the rod by pointing out to his mother that it's not in the Bible?

It’s doubtful. Her possible retort: The popular saying is a distillation of Proverbs 13:24: “The one who withholds [or spares] the rod is one who hates his son.”

Another saying that sounds Bible-worthy: “Pride goes before a fall.” But its approximation, Proverbs 16:18, is actually written: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”

There are some phantom biblical verses for which no excuse can be offered. The speaker goofed.

That’s what Bruce Wells, a theology professor, thinks happened to Ditka, the former NFL coach, when he strayed from the gridiron to biblical commentary during his 1993 press conference in Chicago.

Wells watched Ditka’s biblical blunder on local television when he lived in Chicago. After Ditka cited the mysterious passage, reporters scrambled unsuccessfully the next day to find the biblical source.

They should have consulted Wells, who is now director of the ancient studies program at Saint Joseph’s University in Pennsylvania. Wells says Ditka’s error probably came from a peculiar feature of the King James Bible.

“My hunch on the Ditka quote is that it comes from a quirk of the King James translation,” Wells says. “Ancient Hebrew had a particular way of saying things like, ‘and the next thing that happened was…’ The King James translators of the Old Testament consistently rendered this as ‘and it came to pass.’ ’’

When phantom Bible passages turn dangerous

People may get verses wrong, but they also mangle plenty of well-known biblical stories as well.

Two examples: The scripture never says a whale swallowed Jonah, the Old Testament prophet, nor did any New Testament passages say that three wise men visited baby Jesus, scholars say.

Those details may seem minor, but scholars say one popular phantom Bible story stands above the rest: The Genesis story about the fall of humanity.

Most people know the popular version - Satan in the guise of a serpent tempts Eve to pick the forbidden apple from the Tree of Life. It’s been downhill ever since.

But the story in the book of Genesis never places Satan in the Garden of Eden.

“Genesis mentions nothing but a serpent,” says Kevin Dunn, chair of the department of religion at Tufts University in Massachusetts.

“Not only does the text not mention Satan, the very idea of Satan as a devilish tempter postdates the composition of the Garden of Eden story by at least 500 years,” Dunn says.

Getting biblical scriptures and stories wrong may not seem significant, but it can become dangerous, one scholar says.

Most people have heard this one: “God helps those that help themselves.” It’s another phantom scripture that appears nowhere in the Bible, but many people think it does. It's actually attributed to Benjamin Franklin, one of the nation's founding fathers.

The passage is popular in part because it is a reflection of cherished American values: individual liberty and self-reliance, says Sidnie White Crawford, a religious studies scholar at the University of Nebraska.

Yet that passage contradicts the biblical definition of goodness: defining one’s worth by what one does for others, like the poor and the outcast, Crawford says.

Crawford cites a scripture from Leviticus that tells people that when they harvest the land, they should leave some “for the poor and the alien” (Leviticus 19:9-10), and another passage from Deuteronomy that declares that people should not be “tight-fisted toward your needy neighbor.”

“We often infect the Bible with our own values and morals, not asking what the Bible’s values and morals really are,” Crawford says.

Where do these phantom passages come from?

It’s easy to blame the spread of phantom biblical passages on pervasive biblical illiteracy. But the causes are varied and go back centuries.

Some of the guilty parties are anonymous, lost to history. They are artists and storytellers who over the years embellished biblical stories and passages with their own twists.

If, say, you were an anonymous artist painting the Garden of Eden during the Renaissance, why not portray the serpent as the devil to give some punch to your creation? And if you’re a preacher telling a story about Jonah, doesn’t it just sound better to say that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, not a “great fish”?

Others blame the spread of phantom Bible passages on King James, or more specifically the declining popularity of the King James translation of the Bible.

That translation, which marks 400 years of existence this year, had a near monopoly on the Bible market as recently as 50 years ago, says Douglas Jacobsen, a professor of church history and theology at Messiah College in Pennsylvania.

“If you quoted the Bible and got it wrong then, people were more likely to notice because there was only one text,” he says. “Today, so many different translations are used that almost no one can tell for sure if something supposedly from the Bible is being quoted accurately or not.”

Others blame the spread of phantom biblical verses on Martin Luther, the German monk who ignited the Protestant Reformation, the massive “protest” against the excesses of the Roman Catholic Church that led to the formation of Protestant church denominations.

“It is a great Protestant tradition for anyone - milkmaid, cobbler, or innkeeper - to be able to pick up the Bible and read for herself. No need for a highly trained scholar or cleric to walk a lay person through the text,” says Craig Hazen, director of the Christian Apologetics program at Biola University in Southern California.

But often the milkmaid, the cobbler - and the NFL coach - start creating biblical passages without the guidance of biblical experts, he says.

“You can see this manifest today in living room Bible studies across North America where lovely Christian people, with no training whatsoever, drink decaf, eat brownies and ask each other, ‘What does this text mean to you?’’’ Hazen says.

“Not only do they get the interpretation wrong, but very often end up quoting verses that really aren’t there.”

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Oh happy day...



I want to find my spirituality (not in a religious way.) I want to find my peaceful place. I want to find what I can be at peace with. I want to wake up in the morning and not groan about being up (of course a more comfortable bed could help that). I want to get even a tenth as excited at seeing a rainbow as Double Rainbow Guy. I want to like the nature around me and not be put off from it because I don't want to deal with the bugs. I want to stop being so damn grumpy. I want to be a more positive person. I want to stop being so damn realistic and think of more than what is in my face. I want to love me more. I want to love people around me more.


I want all of these things but I don't know where to begin. I feel like I'm suffocating from wanting this and not know how to find it. Realistically (yes that thing I want to be less of) I know I can't find it hiding in my bedroom. I know that I can't come across this spirituality by typing it out on my computer and hoping someone will give me the all-knowing answer. I have to take steps and be prepared to be let down. I need to understand that this spirit can easily be broken if allowed. I need to have more of a life and stop waiting for it come to me. I need to go sit down in a park (during the week with no screaming kids around preferably) and just watch my surroundings (you know, like people with no bills do).


I need to be...me.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Roll Tide

Haven't blogged in a while. Really don't have a good excuse. Read the article linked below. Recent tornado made the cover of Sports Illustrated. It's a good read.

Monday, April 18, 2011

As the wise old woman speaks...

Getting older has it's perks.

You don't sweat the small stuff. You care less about what people say or think about you (at least the ones that are actually mature enough to handle things don't care.) You find pleasure in the little things and don't have to constantly be going, going, gone. I've always been a hermit, so I've never cared about all the here and there stuff.

My favorite part about getting older (besides the booze) is that you can remove drama from your life and not feel the same amount of guilt or pressure over it that you did when you were younger. I have had to make these decisions in the past year and the more I look back (hindsight 20/20 and all that) the more I realize I've made the right decisions. I don't feel remorse about it. The drama is gone and I don't feel nearly as weighed down with everyone else's problems. They can keep them!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Maybe I'm a bad friend

I don't know. Maybe not.

Sometimes I will get texts or calls from friends. And I can tell almost immediately that the conversation that will occur is going to go in a direction that will probably be asking something from me or of me that I really don't want to do.

Today I got a text from a friend that said "do you work today?" That seems innocent enough, but before I responded I had to think about who was asking me that question. Generally this person doesn't ask questions pertaining to these things unless the follow-up response will then be asking me to do something I'm not willing to do. So rather than just answering the text when it was sent, I waited until about an hour before I had to be to work. That way if she DID want something from me, I would have an excuse. LOL I don't think that makes sense at all. I go out of my way to make sure that I'm not put out of my way by others. It's a riddle inside an enigma.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Would you like some cheese while you whine?

There is this girl at my job that annoys the crap out of me. She complains about having on-call shifts all the time that she's never needed for, thus she rarely works. Bitch, I have to deal with the same thing! Everyone does. Do you think that you are the only one not working and the rest of us are getting mega hours? No! Stop bitching about it or quit.

Sorry, had to vent somewhere. She's on Facebook so I can't do it there and Twitter only allows 140 characters lol.

Monday, March 28, 2011

27 and confirming I'm a moron




For the first time EVER ( I do mean EVER) in my life I just saw in printed words the riddle "What is black and white and read all over?" I never understood what a newspaper had to do with that because I always HEARD it said and assumed they meant "red." I never asked questions either. I guess I am living proof that it's better to "stay quiet and look the fool, than to speak aloud and erase all doubt."

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Memory lane...or something like that

Ever run into people you went to high school with that you really didn't care for? But because of the rules in life you stand there and smile and ask about them etc? But you really don't give a shit because that person was such an ass in high school that you went out of your way to make sure you didn't interact with them at all? Yeah, I get that a lot working in a mall. It's so weird. I stand and fake happy with this person, on the inside I'm completely berating myself over even acknowledging their presence.

I hate that just because I'm an adult I'm supposed to act as though I give a damn. My only memory of this person(s) is of them being so fucking full of themselves that it was as if he/she were doing YOU a favor to even speak to you. I know people change and God knows I don't want people to judge me from who I was in high school. I just don't have any other image of who you are outside of that memory.

Friday, March 18, 2011

28 Perfectly Good Reasons To Oppose Gay Marriage

By Rick Chris

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Marriage is valuable because it produces children, which is why we deny marriage rights to infertile couples and old people.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage, such as Britney Spears' 55-hour escapade, will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed.

5. Marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all: women are property, matches are arranged in childhood, blacks can't marry whites, Catholics can't marry Jews, divorce is illegal, and adultery is punishable by death.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because majority-elected legislatures have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

8. There is no separation between religious marriage and legal marriage, because there is no separation of church and state.

9. Devout, faithful Anglicans should never accept same-sex marriage, because it is an affront to the traditional family values upheld by Henry VIII and his wife, Catherine of Aragon, and his wife, Anne Boleyn, and his wife, Jane Seymour, and his wife, Anne of Cleves, and his wife, Catherine Howard, and his wife, Catherine Parr. They all knew the meaning of marriage and none of them lost their heads over the matter.

10. Married gay people will encourage others to be gay, in a way that unmarried gay people do not.

11. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because dogs have legal standing and can sign marriage contracts.

12. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to legislative change in general, which could possibly include the legalization of polygamy and incest. Because we don't know what comes next, we should never change our laws.

13. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

14. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like suburban malls and tupperware parties.

15. Legal marriage will inspire gays to mimic the straight traditions of spiritual commitment ceremonies and celebratory parties, which is currently impermissible for them to do and which they have never done before.

16. Marriage is designed to protect the well-being of children. Gay people do not need marriage because they never have children from prior relationships, artificial insemination or surrogacy, or adoption.

17. Civil unions are a good option because "separate but equal" institutions are always constitutional. In fact, compared with marriage, civil unions are so attractive that straight people are calling dibs on them.

18. A man should not be able to marry whomever a woman can marry, and a woman should not be able to marry whomever a man can marry, because in this country we do not believe in gender equality.

19. If gays marry, some of straight people's tax dollars would end up going to families whose structure they may find morally objectionable. Clearly, it is more just to continue taking gay people's tax dollars to support straight families, who are going to heaven regardless of what anyone else thinks of them.

20. Gays should hold off on the marriage question until society is more accepting of them, because they are not part of society.

21. The people's voice must be heard on this issue. Therefore, we must have a referendum on a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, because we can't think of any other way to discuss the issue.

22. Each state should decide for itself whether gay marriage will be recognized, because there is no "full faith and credit" clause that requires states to recognize each other's institutions.

23. Gay marriage attempts to replace natural heterosexual instinct with a cultural institution. Morality demands that we subordinate institutionalized commitment to raw, unfettered, biological impulse.

24. Gay marriages could very well suffer maladies like domestic violence and substance abuse. That's why we invented the Quality Control department to pre-approve the righteousness of all marriage applicants, such as convicted serial killer Richard Ramirez who married a woman while on Death Row.

25. Those who support gay marriage aim to overthrow the dominant culture, as evidenced by their enthusiasm to participate in it.

26. The country can't afford to provide benefits for married gay couples. That's why Bush would never consider spending $150 million on programs that encourage more straight people to get married.

27. Gay couples do not deserve marriage because, if everyone on earth limited themselves to same-sex sexual behavior, humanity would soon be extinct. Based on the same concern, we also deny marriage rights to the biologically childless and to those who have borne only one child. (We are also considering denying marriage rights to those who have borne three or more children, because if everyone copied them, the world population would shoot through the roof.)

28. Marriage was created in the Bible as a bond between a man and a woman. The people who lived prior to the writing of the Bible, such as the Chinese, sat around in confusion for many years until the Mesopotamians finally came around and invented the family unit.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I just don't understand

...how in the world I am related to my sister! She calls me selfish any time that I don't do something for her. I am within EVERY RIGHT I HAVE to say "no" to her! She calls me from her place and says that she left her gift for her friend's baby shower at our house and could I bring it to her at her place. Um, no. I don't want to waste my gas for that. She's the dumbass that put it in her CLOSET, out of eye sight, and forgot it. Most people tend to put stuff in places they'll remember to take it with them. Ya know, near your purse or keys or even put it in the CAR. She puts in the closet. So when I say no, her response is "you are so selfish, you don't have anywhere to be" and blah blah. SO WHAT? She wouldn't do it for me. Bet that. Let me forget something and her response will be "well I use the premium gas so I'm not driving all the way over there for that." So she can't waste her gas for me, but I'm supposed to do it for her because she's an idiot?

I reallllly don't understand how we're sisters.

Friday, March 4, 2011

One good thing about a blog nobody reads...

You can say whatever you want!

My boss is generally cool, but she has her moments...and that moment was today. She sent an email out today that she wrote in obvious frustration. To keep a boring story short, she basically state that we needed to implement a certain rule on how we call people to cover shifts that she has NEVER told me before. While I rarely need anybody to work for me, I usually just call someone that's off and ask. Easy. Someone is there, case closed. Apparently she likes to do things differently and said so. It took a lot of control to not reply to the email with one just as snarky as hers stating that she has never, in the nearly 7 months I've been there, made this protocol clear to me (and most likely anybody). Don't you just hate when people decide that because they are in a bad mood that they'll come up with new, unannounced rules to complicate things more? Ugh

Friday, February 18, 2011

And I'm back

I figured I would give this another shot. I'm terrible at updating this thing with anything worth talking about.

At the moment I am LOVING (maybe on a slightly obsessive level) Mumford & Sons. I saw them on the Grammys and I had a Bieber Fan type reaction to them. Excellent music.

Here is their song "The Cave."